Customer: And I’d like fries with that.
Employee: What size fries?
Customer: Um, I guess about four or five inches.
To marketers sending me emails with subject lines like “You brake walls with your boner” or “Take love gun out n shoot” or “Forge huge love sword” be advised: I do not suffer from erectile dysfunction because I do not have an erectile to dysfunct. Please quit it.
My significant-other-in-law is working on an old car. He is using a product that says this on the label:
Contains: Xylene & Toluene. Vapor harmful. May affect the brain or nervous system. Causes eye, skin, nose, throat irritation. Vapors may ignite explosively. May cause birth defects or other reproductive harm.
Anyone care to drop by and help him with the project?
I studied art in college, then switched to English when it became clear I had no art talent whatsoever. Decades later, I wrote my first book. Now I am starting my sixth. At last I know what I am: I am a writer.
Overheard on a Delta flight out of Atlanta: A woman on the aisle turn to a man in uniform who was wedged into a center seat next to her. “Thank you for your service,” she said, then galloped on down the aisle, not allowing him the opportunity to get out.