I would be half the woman I am today without potatoes. In addition to giving one a profile any Sumo would envy, potatoes spike blood sugar, raise bad triglycerides, lower good cholesterol, boost risk of heart attack, promote binge eating.
Nonetheless, a world without potatoes is unthinkable. The Irish wouldn’t have done all that whining about a famine. Idaho would be even more useless than it is now. The game would be Mr. Cabbage Head. You’d be a Couch Rutabaga. “You Say Potato” would never have been written. Van Gogh would have painted The Radish Eaters. The English would have nothing to serve with fish. The potato bug would die out.
It’s true that I would weigh less without potatoes on my plate, but I’m happier this way. It’s impossible to face life without them. So please pass the butter, sour cream, salt, cheese and bacon bits. We’re having spuds tonight!